


Prompt: "it’s okay to be afraid. fear can be good. use it."

by Anchanted_One



Series: Tales from The Old Republic [5]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic (Video Game)
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, F/M, Fear, Gen, Night Terrors, Trauma, Tumblr Prompts, mental health, prompts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:49:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25084174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anchanted_One/pseuds/Anchanted_One
Relationships: Lana Beniko & Male Jedi Knight | Hero of Tython, Lana Beniko/Male Jedi Knight | Hero of Tython
Series: Tales from The Old Republic [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1257356
Kudos: 3





	Prompt: "it’s okay to be afraid. fear can be good. use it."

"Khehehehehe" the eerie, spitting laughter was all he could make out through the smoke, at first. It roiled around him, swirling in thick fumes of black and grey, and soon it filled his nostrills with the acrid smell of ash and gore. The smoke began to clear, and he realized that the mindless laughter was his own. There was a lightsaber hilt in his right hand, but he was holstering it, instead pulling out a dagger from its sheath on his boot. It was a cruel thing, it's hilt made of human bone, the jagged black blade thick but short. He made his way to the last person left standing in the room; a tall, stocky man in his middle years. He knew, somehow, that they two were the only ones left alive in the building. Everyone who he hadn't massacred had fled. Part of him felt a mad delight at the fact, and another part deep within him felt horrified and cried out in horror. His victim trembled before him. "Please!" he whimpered. "You don't understand! I am Moff Rogerick Pyrites, and I am loyal to the Emperor! The man you were after was my brother Frederick! He was the traitor you were sent to kill, and he's already dead!" His words had no effect on the approaching monster, and he faltered. "Alright, fine, I admit it, I tried to save my brother from His purge of the Revanites, but that was my only crime! Please, have mercy! I am His humble servant, his loyal dog! I —AAAAARGHHHH!!!!!" The Moff's pleas ended in screams as the knife plunged deep within his gut. His assailant, still shaking with his incoherent laughter, began to draw his knife diagonally across the man's torso with a sawing motion. The Moff's screams rang out shrilly through the empty fortress, echoed by the muted shrieks inside his own head, which began to grow louder and louder, as the scene grew more and more distant as though he was being dragged away from it. Arro, Jedi Knight, woke up screaming, all but swimming in his own sweat and tears. 

* * *

He did not notice the arms holding him tightly for quite some time. They held him desperately, as though hoping to protect him from the aftershocks of his own nightmares, and when he finally became aware of his surroundings again, he found that he was sobbing disconsolately into a woman's shoulder. Lana Beniko, Sith Lord from the Empire, an institution that had threatened his Republic with extinction. And the woman he loved more than the galaxy itself. He returned her embrace at last, and his sobs began to subside. From the raw soreness of his throat, he had been screaming for some time. When his weeping had at last faded to soft gasps, he heard her whisper "I'm hear, my Darling. It's alright. I'm here. You're safe. You are yourself again." Her voice trembled as well, and her own cheek felt wet; she had no doubt felt his anguish through their newborn link. It had been a source of great delight to them both at the beginning, as though it was a child they had just had. But then had begun the resurfacing of long-forgotten memories, and Arro had seen Lana struggle to cope with his emotions. This kind of thing was foreign to her; and they were just as overwhelming for him as they were for her. But she had stayed with him, hadn't even shown the ghost of any inclination to sever their bond. She stayed with him, night after night, waking every time he suffered from his demon—forgotten for years but not gone. She stayed with him during the days when fear and anxiety locked the gears from turning in his head, and left him a silent, almost bedridden shadow. She had decided to stick it out together with him, to be there for him and he was more grateful than he could express—even through their link, which usually sufficed for conveying the strongest and most complicated of emotions. "You don't have to do this to yourself," he whispered back. "You don't have to suffer..." He said this everyday, or something to the effect, and her response was just the same as it had been for the past three months. "Don't say that my Love. You have shown me joy and love like I never expected to experience, you are more precious to me than air or water, and I'll be damned if I abandon you. Especially not to the Emperor's petty revenge!" Their embrace lasted much longer, until she broke off and heavily kissed every inch of his face. Then her lips locked on his and they shared a fierce kiss, sinking back into the bed. It ended and they both lay panting in their embrace. "It was worse this time," Arro gasped. "I felt... more immersed in his head. I felt like I was becoming him, being swallowed whole." "I know," Lana said quietly into his chest. "I had to pull you out. I thought he was going to consume you too." Her voice sounded like she had a cold. She had wept just as hard as he had. He Felt her fear echoing in her head. He understood that... pulling sensation at the end of his dream. "That was you pulling me out?" He felt her nod, and he Felt her fear build up in her heart. His own pulse began to race, and his arms tightened around his Love. If she wasn't here... He would have been... he would have been... "You broke free once, my Knave!" Lana said. "That thing, that moster—it can't hold you. You are a Knight, the greatest Knight! And Knights always slay the monster. It won't have you." "But..." he stammerd. "But... What if you're wrong? What if I'm not strong?" "You are strong, my Love," she reassured him. "Stronger than you can know right now, for your strength is depleted in your ongoing struggle. But you are winning. Even if it is only just. Every day he tries to swallow you whole, and every day you fight him off. He must be so furious inside his prison!" Arro's breathing grew labored as he suddenly found it difficult to breath. His vision swam and his hearing felt muted again. "I'm so afraid, Lana," he whimpered into her hair. "Afraid to sleep, afraid to get up, afraid to even move in case he wakes up again." "Shhh, shhh!" she comforted him. "Watch your breathing, my Love! Slow it down. Concentrate on the sound of my voice. Relax your muscles... that's right. Good. Good..." Half an hour later he felt calmer again. When Lana spoke, she also offered him her own strength to steady his nerves. "It’s okay to be afraid. Fear can be good. Use it." "But..." Lana sighed with fond exasperation. "The Jedi shite getting in your way again? It's a creed meant for automatons, not sentient beings! We are just people, my love. We may have the strength to fight the overcome the most harrowing obstacles sometimes, but we cannot escape all of them. For better or worse, we feel. Pain, fear, and anger, but also love, joy. And I for one think it's a good bargain, for without love, we would not have each other. To reject one is to reject them all. Accept them. Embrace them. For they are all parts of you, that make you what you are. And I do not exaggerate when I say: I love every little piece that makes up the whole of you. I love you to the moon and back." In the silence that followed, they could hear the oceans of Rishi whispering to them as their waves washed onto the not-too-distant shore. It was a beautiful sound, and it soothed them both into eventually falling asleep again. This time, into a fitful, energizing sleep.


End file.
